Just checked the mail to see what new movies Netflix had sent. Sifting through the junk, I came across a questionnaire from my esteemed state senator from Texas' 4th district. At first I was excited to have the opportunity to fill it out and vent some of my frustration about those money grubbing free-wheeling spenders that are sometimes referred to as "elected officials" on the news.
I gave it a quick read while settling in after work and thought, "I'll open a beer, sit down, collect my thoughts and respond." Then, it hit me. You jackass...you were elected as a conservative, by conservatives to be an advocate for a conservative legislative agenda and you want to ask me for my opinion on taxes, government spending, education and immigration? Oh, I forgot...politicians these days are interested in one thing-getting reelected. This survey offends me in that it's the old proverbial lick your finger and stick it in the air to see which way the wind is blowing type of thing.
Most of the questions should be no-brainers for a convicted conservative leader. My favorite question goes something like this "Do you favor or oppose giving public school teacher pay raises based on performance as well as seniority?"
Now, I may be only slightly above Forrest Gump on the I.Q. meter, but to me, that is two separate questions dammit! If I say that I favor performance based raises, then by default, I must also be in favor of raises for seniority. So, if a teacher is unable to get a performance based raise, they should stick it out, poorly teach more kids and then get a raise. Don't get me wrong, GOOD, PASSIONATE teachers should be VERY well compensated for the work they do. That might just attract the best and the brightest into the profession. As a kind man, I'll let the poor teachers keep their tax payer funded benefits. They have obviously proven their worth as babysitters...I'd just reassign them to work as prison guards so they can spend time cultivating the relationships they formed with their students while they were in the classroom.
If I hear "Its all for the children" one more time from an elected official, I'm going to put a boot up an orifice where boots don't belong. If these clueless legislators don't figure things out soon, I'm going to be forced to feed Molly and Tess pig lips and cow tails. Who wants to break the news to them? I don't have the heart.
Now where did I leave the pen I use for writing very polite F you letters?