Friday, June 30, 2006

Hey, guess what...

It rained earlier tonight. They were so clean just moments before. Apparently there is treasure buried in my back yard and Tess is eager to find it so we can all go retire to the islands and live off the interest.

Maybe I should move the "X" to a spot that is less muddy.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Still can't dance...

But I'll be damned if they don't know what to do when I stop moving.

Gonna be a fun couple of days to come!

An executive decision

I take way too little time off work. Tomorrow after checking up on a few things, I'll be off like a prom dress until Wednesday. I've got no concrete plans as of yet other than to enjoy my longest vacation in at least two years. How sad is that?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

I wish tonight wasn't such a milestone night

Folks, this is going to get ugly. Lord, help us all.

Let's roll

A milestone night. Tess took her first ride in the car outside of her kennel. On the way to run a very important errand, she just laid on the back seat, but on the way back home she got her car legs and at least got her nose close to the window. She's going to make a good first officer.

My co-pilot performed her usual duties of sniffing out neighborhood cats, squirrels, teenagers and other evil creatures that roam the streets at this hour.

In other news...the new neighbors have a pit bull. He looks to be about 9 months old. They've been in the neighborhood for about a month, but the dog is very recent addition. Just wait until the cul-de-sac/Sunday BBQ/gossip mill/let the dogs and kids play together crowd gets word of this new development! My weekend project is to make a preemptive strike and get my dogs and their killer together for tea and to read them the riot act. We share a fence, we share common goals, we share a love for dogs. Good dogs. I know, Molly will show her teeth and growl at whomever asks...I'll also let my tiny little, dog deprived nephew tug on her ears and bite her tail. Tess still bites everything, so they have not yet had the pleasure of an introduction.

Guess what we don't share? When that cute little pit bull puppy grows up and becomes aggressive? Answer...the shovel. Dig your own hole.

Who knows though, tea time might smooth out all the rough edges and it might become a non-issue. Regardless of what happens between us, I'd like to see how it flies with the rest of the neighbors. I'm guessing the Sunday bbq crowd will not be pleased.

It only took me a year living here as a single man in the design industry to convince them that I'm not gay. I wonder how long it will take for the new neighbors to convince them that pit bulls are cute, cuddly love machines?

End rant. Hey, Tess went for a ride with me and Molly tonight!

To Adam, Love Dad

The UPS man paid me a visit today at work. Packages are fun to get! This one was from Dear Ole Dad. What was inside? My bird flu drugs and special masks so none of you jokers can pass it on to me! The "money line" in the enclosed note was this:
I am convinced it's only a matter of time before bird flu gets here and by that time, pharmacies will be out and the mail service will have been shut down to prevent it from spreading.
He was sorry, but he was unable to locate any dog masks.

A little background makes this "gift" funny. Around 1996, when Y2K became a familiar part of our vocabularies, my dad began stocking up on guns, ammunition, medical supplies, batteries, food, water and, of course, toilet paper. He even went so far as to buy land in Honduras for us to spend the rest of our days after the proverbial "shit hit the fan." Somewhere around '98 he began buying cases upon cases of cigarettes and booze and more guns and ammo. So much that I'm convinced the ATF has him on a special list to this day. Side note: I saw a t-shirt that I need to get him that says "Alcohol,Tobacco and Firearms should be the name of a convenience store, not a government agency."

You see, the booze and cigarettes were because soon after Y2K, our economy would crumble and we'd go back to bartering for goods and services...he wanted to have "currency."

We still make fun of him for his Y2K stockpile...Let's hope we can make fun of his bird flu obsession in the same sentence at the Thanksgiving table a few years from now. I'd hate to think what awful fate would befall me if it really does become an epidemic!

Monday, June 26, 2006

I will never understand women...

Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing

I guess I should just stop trying. Here is a follow up picture of how the struggle for bone dominance ended. Its nice to see that Molly, despite her pitiful lack of bone possession, is still willing to smile for the camera.

Such is my life. Tess isn't really a glutton, she's just a fan of annoying ole Mols.

Lesson learned over the weekend

No matter how hilarious it is to watch dogs eat corn on the cob, its not a smart thing to do...unless of course the dogs belong to someone else.

Sometimes in life you make the same mistakes over and over. I have a feeling that I won't make this mistake EVER again. Damn, it was funny while it lasted though...those were some of the cleanest cobs I've ever seen.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

The puppy kennel rides for the last time

...For the next few years anyway. In a few weeks Tess will have officially outgrown her travel palace. I'll finally have to use that 15% off coupon Petco sent a while back. I've been saving it for her upgrade. The only questions...which dog do I strap to the roof from now on? Should they take turns? Do I get one of those police car/taxi type divider for the back so I can listen to them play grab-ass the whole trip?

The good thing about heading north for the weekend is that it means tomorrow is a "Take your dogs to work day." The bad thing about leaving town is the fact that I have to do laundry tonight so I'll have clean drawers to wear.

On the weekend agenda: Pitch some washers, drink some cold beer, grill some fine meats and have a drunken political conversations with my bestest liberal friend. Bless his heart!

What are y'all up to this weekend?

Another scavenger hunt

I guess its easier than trying to tie her tooth to a doorknob. I think she's been swallowing them...I'm not THAT willing to get a dollar from the Tooth Fairy!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

A little game of "Guess who?"

Guess who ate a flip-flop tonight and who feels like a chump for doing it? You get three choices, and the first two don't count. (Cheaters will click the picture to find who's eyes look the most guilty.)

Guess who got a "Get out of jail free" card?

Guess why?

Guess who is growing tired of the whole puppy experience? This question has two answers.

Guess who wouldn't trade it for all the tea in China?

8". Seriously. I measured

Well folks, after walking the dogs tonight, I found myself with not too much on the evening's agenda. That's when it hit's been a couple days since I've measured. So I grabbed a cold adult beverage and a tape measure and headed out to the back porch to survey the progress. You see, I do all of my measuring outside on the porch. I get the best results out there. On Saturday afternoon it was only 2". Some things have changed in the past few days, so I thought it would be fun to chart the progress.

I keep a 5 gallon bucket on the porch for various different needs. This week, its been a rain gage. When I stuck the tape down in, it read 8". That's a lot of rain in just a few days. I'm sure you've heard that the Houston area is seeing some flooding. Other than a couple muddy dogs and some hellish commutes to work, I've faired well.

Still, I have a couple questions to pose:
  1. What is the socially acceptable time to wait after a devastating rain event to begin looting? I need some new t-shirts and socks.
  2. Has anyone heard when FEMA will be here to start issuing "free" money? I know the lines will be long, but I'm willing to tough it out if it means one heck of a night at the local gentleman's club.
Huh? What did you think this post was going to be about?

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Phil Mickelson carries too many wedges

Apparently, under the 14 club rule, he didn't have room in the bag for a "chicken stick."

Tess knows what to pull out on the tee when you have a 1 shot lead on the 72nd hole at the U.S. Open.

"The worst thing that could happen is we play another round tomorrow. The best thing...we make par and win it all. OK, you want to hit a driver? Cool, that puts me closer to the hospitality tent. I need another beer anyway."

Oh well. When Molly stops banging her head against the tree outside, I'll take a picture of her with my chicken stick too.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

What's wrong with this picture?

Let's lighten things up a bit, shall we?

How many dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Screw it in yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...
Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...
Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?
Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

How many cats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

: Cats do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Sorrow for someone I don't know

Tonight while checking out the Golden Retriever group on Flickr, I came across a post that went something like this...
The doctor told us this second shot would make her very relaxed and as I looked at Brandi laying there, Brandi all of a sudden raised up and found my eyes and locked hers with mine and then this is something I will always cherish. Brandi never has done this before, but she was looking straight into my eyes and took her warm nose and touched my nose and just stared at me. I thought she was going to lick me but no, she was smelling my face and kept touching my nose with her's as she stared at me. Then her head started to fall and I grabbed her head and layed it down gently. she was still looking at me and so the doctor asked me if we were ready and I just said "do it" and Ron was crying so hard by now as was I and so I layed my head while holding her paw down on her face kissing her all over her face and saying her name and telling her I loved her and what a good girl she was as they gave her the third shot. I felt her last breath exhale on my face and then she was gone.
Folks, remember...Dogs are buttheads and they disrupt your lives. They are incorrigible bags of pee and poop. They chew your walls, they spill your drinks. They frustrate you, they annoy you.

I wouldn't have it any other way! Here's to Brandi and her owners.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Tooth Fairy is coming

Earlier tonight Molly came over to me with blood all over her. Her ears, shoulders and feet were covered with bloody spots. Given her recent run in with a pair of hot spots, I thought she may have started a new one. In a semi-panicked state, I gave her the once (and twice) over...found nothing out of place. Hmmm, that was weird.

Upon further investigation, I found blood on their tug-of-war rope toy, a bloody bone and a bloody duck. That was when it hit me...Tess must have lost a tooth. Is she that old already? Yup...she is.

Looks like the carpet was spared. Life is good.

Back in the saddle

I'm back at it again folks. It was a slow day at work today and rather than organizing our files, I decided find a subject and do a quick sketch. I've been trying to get back into it for quite some time, but have always been able to find an excuse to do something else.

I'd forgotten how quickly getting into a sketch takes my mind to a place where phones don't ring, bills aren't due, traffic is nonexistent and heat and humidity don't bother me. Quite refreshing, I must say.

This is the first draft of what usually is a three draft process for me. In the first its all about getting familiar with the lines on the page and beginning to think about final composition. The second draft is all about shade, shadow and texture. And then the third draft is the final draft.

I'm curious, does anyone recognize this place? (Hint: It is not in Texas.)

Sunday, June 11, 2006

What you won't see reported by the media

All I want to know is when did Tess learn how to email pictures? Molly...get your mouth off that!

I've often wondered what they do while I'm at work. Who knew? No word yet on when they will be sending the 25 million dollar reward check.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Reason #172 why I don't dance

Even dogs grow tired of my moves very quickly.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Top 10 reasons why today was a good day

  1. Office was quiet. Lots of work was done
  2. Splurged on lunch. Mexican food place. Ordered the Fiesta Plate. They should call it the Fiesta Plates because it takes two plates to serve it. Careful, these plates are hot.
  3. I renewed my love of the music and songwriting of Bruce Robison. Pick up his new album.
  4. Downloaded all his old stuff tonight and have it playing right now. I dare you to do the same.
  5. Molly's wounds are healing without having to get her a cone.
  6. Tess has made it a whole week without peeing in her pen while I'm away at work. She's even scratching the back door when its time to go out.
  7. Tomorrow is Friday.
  8. The day after is Saturday.
  9. Dog date with a Lab owner on Saturday afternoon. Molly seems pleased with the opportunity to show a yellow Lab how things are done in the water. I can't wipe the evil smile off her face. Tess is still untested, but I'm hoping for the best.
  10. Did I mention that tomorrow is Friday?
  11. Some blogs only go to ten...but this one has an eleven. (Hmmm, looks like this video has been flagged for possibly being offensive to some viewers. As the old saying goes, F' em. Feed em fish heads.)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

One of those weeks

Ever have one of those weeks where absolutely nothing seems to line up? If not, I would not recommend trying to have one. Its no fun!

For starters, I don't think I've driven up to a green light since Saturday. I almost made one this evening on my way home...but no, I fell victim to the soccer mom block. Two lanes of traffic and two car loads of kids in each lane content to go 10 miles below the speed limit. Was this an attempt to drive at a cautious speed to get their precious human cargo home safely? No, they were both on their cell phones oblivious to the world around them. On a positive note though, I think I taught little Johnny some valuable sign language. I miss the days of the station wagons with the rear facing back seats so I could do some real communication with the children of this fine community.

Work has been nuts too. I've had the office to myself pretty much all week. I thought I'd be able to get a ton of work done with all the peace and quiet. Negative. This week must be international phone solicitation week. We don't have a sexytary. So, being alone in the office I've had to field calls from all over the world asking if we are happy with our "fill in the blank" service. I've stopped being polite. Hey, if they are going to interrupt my day, I at least need to have the common decency to interrupt theirs right back.

Molly is still jacked up and acting weird because of her ear infection and resulting self inflicted wounds under both ears. If it doesn't get better by tomorrow...she's going to get a fashionable cone to wear.

To top the young week off, I think They are plotting against me.

Not to worry though. I'll be just fine. The weather has been gorgeous this week...about 95 and oh so humid...just the way I like it. The weekend will be here again soon enough. Maybe then I'll have time to fix the toilet in my bedroom that ran all last night! Until then, its turned off, so use the one in the hall. Leave the lid up though...They might get thirsty.

Sunday, June 04, 2006


After tonight's episode of "The Sopranos," it was announced that the last 8 episodes of the final season will be aired next year. Next year?

Yea, I'm pissed.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Redneck dogs

Give one of them a mullet and they go straight under the porch.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Molly is now a NASCAR fan

"I like it really short on the side, but let the back grow really long."

Poor girl. I'm so sorry. I had to take a nice chunk of hair from both sides of her face tonight after work. She has a double shot of ear infection after last weekend at the lake. Damn dog has scratched herself raw trying to get rid of it. That only compounds your misery d.a.

After the close shave, a little peroxide on the wounds and some antibiotic ear drops, she's in a much better mood. I feel so bad. I didn't bring her alcohol ear wash last weekend and she got the raw end of the deal. Please don't call PETA.

Now, Tess, go clean up your room or I'll give you an ugly haircut too! Damn dogs.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

You can't make this stuff up!

Seriously, you can't. Even if you tried, it would fall well short. Soon all internet users from everywhere will be able to watch the southern border of Texas from the comfort of their own homes thanks to our esteemed Governor. You will even be able to call a number to report illegal crossings! Sorry in advance for the slow posting to come...I'll be busy watching the web cameras.

Until the cameras are in place and fully about this?

Wait...this great new plan, announced in San Antonio wouldn't have anything to do with the State Republican Convention going on this weekend in...guess the city.

I can't believe I'm saying this...I might just get Kinky in the voting booth in November. But I'm just angry right now. I'll probably just not vote in that race.

Gov. Perry, fellow Aggie, in the words of the guys on the Guinness beer commercials..."Brilliant." Please notify me when these are also operational.

Random things (in no particular order)

The sun is out again...finally. If it rains again tomorrow, I'm going straight to the Post Office to apply for a temporary job. Riddle me this...why is it that Molly would live in the water if I let her, but she can't stand the feel of wet grass on her paws?

I got a reply from my State Rep in response to an email I sent a couple of days ago as a follow up to an actual letter I sent last month suggesting that maybe spending cuts could be the answer to the shortfall in education funding. Let me share with you his opening remarks that made me giggle:
"This special session wasn't about spending cuts, as we were under a deadline to comply with the Supreme Court's mandate to create meaningful discretion for local school districts. I know the legislature (at least the conservatives) are always looking to find ways to cut spending."
Always? Always? Oh, I see, always...except when the legislature is in session trying to figure out how to pay for something when they don't have enough money. But seems they also gave us a "property tax cut." (for the Texans reading this, this is a required link to click.) But, hey, at least we also got a hefty new business tax. Sorry Texans, never try to REASON with a POLITICIAN...its an oxymoron.

You know when you watch cartoons and the character is trying to make a decision and they have an angel pop up on one shoulder and a devil on the other? I took pictures of both my angel and my devil tonight.

I can't decide what's more fun...popping those packing bubbles or peeling off skin after a good sunburn. Fortunately, the new skin underneath fits just fine. I wouldn't know where to take it back if it didn't. I probably couldn't anyway...can't find the receipt.

This work week seems really short. I can't believe its almost Friday again. Its almost like Monday never happened.

What, you still don't believe me that Molly hates the feel of wet grass on her paws? Really, I swear its true, Scout's honor. OK, here's the proof. She's been perched up there all week and I can't get her down. Tess is going to plant her a dog food tree so she at least has something to eat.

And finally, thanks to all you folks who read this little corner of the Internet. I enjoy your corners too.

I have to update: While typing this post, I had Molly outside all by herself to get some peace and quiet. Tess started sniffing around and doing the "gotta go pee" dance as I was wrapping up the post. So, took her out to spend some quality time outside with Molly while I finished. Just in case you were wondering, Tess doesn't mind wet grass.