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1. Drink more, smoke more, eat more cheese burgers. People who are only mildly overweight never win $250,000 on "The Biggest Loser."
2. Stop being cordial to those people who choose to walk through life oblivious to the fact that other people are trying get things done in life while stuck behind them.
   
3. Agree to disagree with liberals and cat people.
   
4. Find a new way to communicate non-verbally with other drivers, and contact the U.S. patent office regarding my mobile auto messaging display...and work out the kinks so it displays text backwards so people can read it in their rear view.
   
5. Have more boisterous conversations on my cell phone in public places.
   
6. Remember to take a penny instead of leaving a penny.
7. Write more checks in the express lane of the grocery store. Can I borrow a pen?
8. Champion the movement to start spanking unruly children in crowded restaurants again. The old days were the best days. I still remember my "The Knickerbocker whipping." I have not thrown food on the floor or ruined other dinners food experience since.
9. Tie Rachel Ray to a tree and make her watch me fawn over Giada or Sandra. Without hand gestures, Rachel is powerless.
   
10. Use the Dog Whisperer's "'CChhttt' and pinch" technique more often when dealing with people. I feel that it is a perfect way to end a boring or pointless conversation.
11. Convert to the metric system.

All kidding aside, this is the year that the Molly gets her therapy dog credentials.