Chew Chew Train

I wonder where its headed?

This one deserves its own post

What would you do if your dog tried to retrieve an alligator and got its collar stuck on a gator tooth on the wrong side of the lizard's mouth? Here at Just Golden, I like to follow stories about Golden owners and their exploits. Some are good, and some are bad.

Mr. Michael Rubin is the Golden owner of the year in my book. Be sure to check out the slide show.

Note to Molly and Tess...grab them at the neck, not the tongue. Better yet, just walk away!

Back to work

The long weekend is over. I'm still recovering. Its funny, did you know that staying up WAY too late (and walking dogs WAY too early) and enjoying hours of swimming and volleyball coupled with forgoing water in favor of more flavorful beverages makes you just want to crawl in bed for about two days? No, really, it does.

A fine time was had by all...well except when the Poker Nazi showed up and ruined a friendly game of mildly competitive poker among friends. But that's another story altogether. I'm going to try to forget about it. When the Poker Nazi started "explaining" poker to the table, I went all in on the next bad hand I got. What? I lost? A 3-7-9-J-K doesn't beat a straight? Take my money...I'll be on the porch ENJOYING my beer.

Anyway, I'm sad to report that I didn't break out my camera the whole weekend. But I did get some pictures sent to me this morning. So...here goes:

The only close up of Molly. She has this thing where she just jumps in and heads out into the water without looking back. Molly isn't much of a historian. I think she's trying to prove the Earth is round.

Tess was blamed for digging up a newly planted flower bed. Apparently some folks are still unaware that she is being stalked by a pack of gypsy dogs. She would never do anything like that. I have a call in to our legal team, but they always seem to be out of the office when I call.

And finally, Tess, upon hearing about gators liking fresh Golden meat, (Thanks for the heads up Alison) decided that maybe swimming wasn't the best hobby to have. She has since expressed interest in taking up tennis or music...I'll let you know when she chooses. But hey...check out that sunburn!

I hope all of y'all had a great weekend. I know I did.

The Undocumented Artist tries his hand at English

Despite a decent background in art and art history, I'm not quite sure what the Undocumented Artist was going for with his latest submission:

I think the artist might be ditching his love for nudes and breaking into a political period. I've been studying this submission for a while now, but I'm not sure what to make of it. I think the Undocumented Artist is trying to say is that he is willing to share his tacos from last night, but I'm not sure. I'll be creating a paypal account tonight so everyone can donate funds to get this misunderstood artist some English lessons. Thank you, in advance, for you generous donations.

I'd also be interested to hear your insight as to what the artist was trying to convey. Molly and Tess can't read, so they are no help.

If you are seeing the work of the Undocumented Artist for the first time and are confused, here is a little background.

This is an exciting time in all our lives. We get to witness first hand the maturation of an artist who will, no doubt, be spoken of in the same breath as Leonardo. And for the record, Leonardo's last name is not da Vinci!

Let's compare, shall we

I'm headed out of town this weekend for some much needed r&r. I'll be headed to Lake Athens where a full set of teeth is optional but banjo pickin' is required. While packing, I realized that the damn dogs take up 85% of the storage space in my truck. Let's compare packing lists.

Molly and Tess:

1. 2 kennels
2. 2 leashes
3. 1 container for Molly food
4. 1 container for Tess food
5. 4 duck dummies
6. 4 food/water bowls
7. 1 bag of big bones
8. 1 bag of little bones
9. 1 box of Milkbones
10. 1 dog first aid kit
    
11. Undetermined amount of tennis balls
12. 2 kinds of combs
13. 1 whistle

I think that covers them. Now for me:

1. Swimming trunks
2. Teeth brush (only people in East Texas use a tooth brush)
3. Flip flops

I wonder what would happen I had to bring a woman along? Where would her stuff go? Don't worry. I'm a true Southern gentleman. I'd get her a bus ticket and be waiting for her at the bus station after I got to our final destination and unloaded all Molly and Tess' stuff. If she played her cards right, I might even be moved to spring for the beverage of her choice at the bus station.

Y'all have a great weekend. Stay out of trouble.

Why I chose to watch QVC over the American Idol finale

Simple...QVC doesn't have commercials. Ever!

Who says puppies won't learn?

Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing
Not to be outdone...Molly would like to add this:


Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing
Molly is mad that there seems to be a lag between the video and the sound...Don't worry Mols...I know you aren't dumb enough to "get it" before you hear it.

This conculdes any and all posts for the evening. Rumor has it that its time for bed.

Several new reasons why I don't go near tequila

What a weekend. Check that...what a Saturday. Saturday morning I got up and went to eat a little breakfast, walked the dogs and then loaded them up for the 4.5 hour drive to Stephenville for the party. When I arrived at about 2:30, it was obvious that I was WAY behind the beer drinking leaders who had spent the previous night there. But hey, I'm not afraid to play catch up.

They had a real live taco truck there serving all the tasty cuisine you'd expect. I stuck with the fajitas...this was no time to start ordering some of the more exotic "off the menu" items. Did you know that sweet breads are neither sweet nor breads? Thanks, but I'll pass...I really don't care how good you say they are.

The music started at sundown with a friend of a friend playing his guitar and mandolin (not at the same time) and singing some original stuff and some songs that everyone knows. I was impressed. His closing number was a bluegrass remake of the classical composer Snoop Dog's "Sippin on Gin and Juice." It was hilarious! The older ladies in attendance were less than impressed.

Shortly after he finished, Billy Joe Shaver came on. He was such a personable guy. He made it a point to visit with everyone at the party. Molly even had a shot at retrieving a duck dummy he threw for her. I told him to make her sit and stay before he threw it...she did. It landed in the field and she waited for the signal to get it. When he gave it, she darted off and brought it back...to me. Good dog Molly.

Anyway, Billy Joe played for about 2 hours. He's got to be 70 years old, but he put on a great show for the small crowd. Some folks were dancing, not me. I don't dance. I prefer to enjoy the music and a cold adult beverage.

After the show was over, all the older folks headed back into town to their hotel room...this is where we get to the part about why I don't go near tequila...anymore. There was a streaker. There was a twenty-something girl who was eager to show off her new and improved "ladies." There was a donkey minding his own business until it became time to ride him. Said donkey wasn't into giving rides at 2 in the morning and decided to kick a guy...the streaker. No word yet on his condition...or the streaker's.

My night ended when Tess decided to start jacking with a mean ole cow dog that was content to sit back and watch all the activities. That dog laid into Tess and gave her a nice kiss just below her eye. Molly returned fire with some kisses of her own. Good girl Molly, again...extra bones for you. OK, time for bed. After the bleeding had stopped, I folded down my seats, blew up the air mattress and had a slumber party in the back of my car with one wounded dog and her new hero.

I awoke at 7ish on Sunday and let the dogs out to do their thing and got on the road as fast as I could. Its funny, the drive back didn't seem that bad. Its always nice to know you are headed back to someone you love, someone you know will comfort you when you aren't feeling all that grand, someone you know will be content to sit there and hold you until its all better again. Thank you, couch. What would I do without you?

Blatant nephew pimping

Just got an email from my sister-in-law with all her recent photos of the tirdbag that is my nephew.

I've often wondered why my parents never call when Jackson is in town. It's because they are too busy posing for the camera.

My folks have chosen the names Pops and Ya-Ya. I call mine Big Momma and Big Daddy on my mom's side and Grammie and Popper on my dad's side.

Grammie (the queen of cinnamon buns) and Popper (the tomato farmer) have passed. Big Momma and Big Daddy are still hustling free coffee at the local fastfood joint every morning.

Recently, I asked Jackson if he might like to have a dog as a gift. He was receptive!

Tonight's theme....chill

I'm not going to do anything tonight. You can't make me do anything tonight. I'm tired, I made it through another work week and tonight I'm going to sit here like a bump on a log.

I need my rest. For tomorrow I'll be heading north to a piece of land near the metropolis of Stephenville, Texas for a long overdue wedding reception. You see, these folks got married last year in Las Vegas. I was unable to go to the ceremony. They picked the wrong weekend to get hitched. The World Series of Poker was in town and there was a big fight going on the same weekend. Even our company jet was asking for over a thousand bucks for a non-stop. I skipped it, but did send a nice welcome basket to their hotel room...the thank you note is still lost in the mail, as is the one for the lovely set of towels I sent them. I understand. Stamps are so expensive these days.

Anyway...the couple has a friend who's dad is a big buddies with a Texas singer/songwriter legend. They are having their "reception" at the friend's dad's ranch. Guess who will be playing? It should be a fairly small gathering. Again, stamps are expensive, so not too many invitations were sent out.

My liver is resting tonight in anticipation of all the cold beer that will be consumed tomorrow. I will bring a cooler just in case the "provide booze for your guests" thing is overlooked by the happy couple.

Molly and Tess will patiently wait for their opportunity to be photographed with Billy Joe.

Note to self...charge the camera.

Dogs have small vocabularies

"Share" is a term they are unfamiliar with. I dare you to try to get the bone she isn't chewing on at the moment. I can do it because I'm not scared to smack an unruly puppy. Molly knows.

Undocumented Artist

Here we go folks...A new theme that everyone been so patiently waiting for. But first a little background information.

I've always been a fan of hand drawn art. I've even tried it a time or two myself (although not too much recently. Need to fix that.) But I digress. I've sat through countless exams where a slide is projected on the wall and its been expected of me to write everything I know about the painting, sculpture or other boring thing that they put in the slide tray. I'm also a recovering political junkie.

You see, my career path has put me on the front lines of the immigration debate. 10-25% of my work week is spent visiting construction sites. I have to make sure that materials have been ordered and adapt to changes made to the overall project without my knowledge...Lord knows what would happen if we left those decisions up to our employees. They're lucky if they remember to bring their lunch!

Again, I digress. Let's get to the theme shall we? I've been following the work of a young artist that hangs around construction sites for several years now. His work is passionate. His message is clear. He is not constrained by conventional media like canvas or paper. This avantgard artist chooses to delight his viewers with his emotion on Porta-Potty walls. Revolutionary, visionary, breathtaking.

So without further adieu, I give you the first installment of "Undocumented Artist" and the commentary you should expect from me:

"Untitled"

Here goes...

Adam, this is such a great idea. I love when you ask for my opinion on cultural matters. You know, I've always been a huge fan of folk art. In short, great forms, excellent use of space as it relates to the overall composition. Great colors, movement, imagination and lines. Really the complete "package" with this one. However, I hesitate to call this one "genius." The artist seems to be struggling with issues relating to proportion and conveying emotion in his work. Don't get me wrong though, I am eager to follow his progression as he matures as an artist.

Thank you, Molly. Your critique was both enlightening and insightful. I too enjoyed the whimsical use of a rivet to provide a sense of depth in the drawing.



Hey Adam, what's a "cockenballs?" Is it something I can chew on?

Tess, how many times do I have to tell you to stop saying words aloud when you don't know what they mean? When you get older, I'll tell you all about it. Until then, watch your mouth. And the answer to your question is NO!

So, while our honorable representatives at the state and national level struggle to figure out what to do with something that should have been handled years ago, I'll be vigilant in my effort to protect the "Undocumented Artist."

Udated: Upon further review of the masterpiece, it seems that there has been some tampering involved. Sources close to the "Undocumented Artist" have made me aware that the original nude has been altered. The facial hair was added later. First a mustache...then the goatee. If this desecration of art goes on much longer, I might just get upset!

It feels so good, feelin' good again

Last night was rough. I've been teetering on a political breakdown...and it finally happened around midnight. Reading and watching coverage of the President's address and the special session going on in Austin, I found myself under my desk in the fetal position weeping uncontrollably. Well, maybe not literally, but you get the point.

As noted by both Alison and Okie, today was a new day full of sunshine and low humidity. I was determined to snap out of my "pissed at the world" mood. I was pretty busy all day trying to meet a deadline, so that helped take my mind of things. Sometime after lunch, I had one of those light bulb moments...an idea. A way to encapsulate my frustration in a way that makes me laugh instead of crying. I hope y'all find it as funny as I do.

Reading around the blog world, I've found that people like to do themed posts on a weekly basis. I've come up with one of my very own. I won't share the idea just yet. I still need to do some reconnaissance work tomorrow for the first post in the new series. Stay tuned. I should have it ready for unveiling Thursday evening.

I let the blonde bomb shells in on the news when I got home. They can hardly wait!

I feel SO much better now

Let's recap the President's 5 point plan.

1. Secure the border. Use the Guard, but only to work behind the scenes operating all the "new technology." More funding. Mexico is our "friend" and we won't militarize the border. Why to I trust Bubba from South Texas sitting on his tailgate with a pair of binoculars and his trusty iron more than I trust the government to secure the border. No mention of volunteers (they don't require funding.) Sometimes low-tech is pretty darned effective.
2. Temporary worker program. I've been hearing that for a LONG time. Not going to happen. It could work, but not until #1 is addressed. Sign them up, make them pay taxes and Social Security.
3. Hold employers responsible for hiring illegals. This one is close to my heart. I've said before that all our guys are "documented" and pay taxes just like the rest of us. They won't ever be able to claim their Social Security checks...I know their documents are fake. While I'm no computer whiz, I know it would be so easy to go to a web site or call a phone number with the potential employee's information, push enter and be able to tell if the documents are real.
   
4. There are millions here. We can't get rid of them. But if you've been living here outside of the law for a long time, you get preferential treatment in the amnesty program...No wait, its not amnesty. Its very different. Didn't you hear me? I just said it was not amnesty. Call it whatever you want. I don't care.
5. America is a melting pot. Immigrants should assimilate, learn English, yadda yadda. Can we start by having ballots printed in English only?
   

OK, now for the gaping holes in the address.

Only a brief mention of how the illegal immigration problem is affecting our schools. Nothing at all about the effect on hospitals, healthcare insurance costs or the impact of uninsured drivers cruising the roads that we pay for.

Nothing on the "Anchor Babies." Any kid squirted out here is an American citizen. What are we going to do? Deport the parents?

I heard a lot of "increased funding" talk. There was no mention of an exorbanant tax on all wire transfers to Mexico to help pay for it.

Oh, and there was one more hole. NOTHING about the fact that there is a force out their that wants to harm Americans for no other reason that we are Americans. What do you know...they have dark skin and dark hair. They can pass as the humble immigrant crossing the border to find a better life for them and their family. That, my friends, is unacceptable. Mr. President, its not just about illegal immigration. Its about our safety.

During the address, Molly and Tess had a spirited debate. I think it was over the fact that Molly is getting old and tired and content to just keep electing the same folks just because they have an (R) associated with their name on the ballot. Tess is a firm believer in traditional Conservative philosophy. Don't worry, I'll bring Molly around.

Barry v. The Babe

For all you Astros fans, here is a great idea for the upcoming series with the Giants.

Vet days are the best days...

"When is the next coffee break?"

...Because they are also "bring your dog to work" days.

Work, work , work

2:00 on a GORGEOUS day. Why am I at work?

You know what that means...time to spend the rest of the afternoon doing "site checks." I wonder if my brand of cold beer will be on sale at the first "site" I check?

Little do They know...an uscheduled swimming day is in Their very near future.

Bone etiquette

Why I love Monday

1. Somehow, the weekend erases all conversations had on Friday afternoon about what needed to be loaded, where you need to be and what you need to do on Monday morning. "I left the list in my wife's car" makes it even better.

2. Planning to get to the office at 7 because I knew this is what happens.

3. A fender bender on the OTHER side of the road that doubles the commute time. Damn rubberneckers. Its OK I'm sure...we talked about what was going on today on Friday.

4. A call at 7:15 (while I'm busy tailgating a rubbernecker) asking "Hey, how was your weekend? What do we need to do today? I'm on the road headed south."

5. "You have your punch list. Why don't you start with that?"

6. "Its in my wife's car." Click.

7. Finally get to work. Start the coffee. Read the "very important" emails that came in over the weekend. Laugh...but reconsider my girth and the fortitude of my hairline.

8. 7:45 RING. "We're here, what do we need to do?" Try starting with the things on your list!

9. OK...I can see how this day is going to go. Put on babysitter hat...and "why did we hire you" socks.

10. Go out to the shop. Collect everything that was on the list (from memory) but I did double check the list that we made together, just in case. Get in truck and make a delivery to a foreman recently hired who keeps asking why he isn't being given more responsibility.

11. Waste an entire morning telling grown men the EXACT same thing we talked about on Friday afternoon.

What do y'all think? Am I wrong to be upset? Is the typical American employee incapable of of grasping the concept of personal responsibility? Do they not understand that "The Man" is staying up late at night and getting up early in the morning trying to figure out how to make some money so their paychecks don't bounce?

And for the record...Molly and Tess are pissed too. "No, we can't go to the park to pick up chicks. I've got work to do."

"Yea right...I'll be waiting here. Let me know when that park thing works out for you."

MasterCard entry

A few weeks ago, they were advertising a contest to submit your own MasterCard commercial. I know I'm a day late and a dollar short, but here goes:

• A bag of dog food: $25
• Registration, initial vet visits and all the other b.s.: $500
• Staying home on Saturday night: a savings of $100
• Witnessing a struggle over the sweet nectar of the gods: Priceless
  

Hey Adam...You'll never believe what just happened

STOP! I don't even want to know.

What's up with the storms rolling through in the wee hours of the morning every Saturday all of a sudden?

Hello, this is technical support. How may I help you?

Hello. Yes, I have a question about an ipod I recently purchased. Last night when I tried to charge it, nothing happened.

"Did you make sure that it was connected to both your computer and to the ipod?"

Yes ma'am. I tried it on all the usb ports on my computer too. I thought that perhaps the one I usually plug it into had gone bad or something.

"You should try to reinstall the drivers. We've been getting a lot of callers with this same problem. That usually corrects it."

Yes, that was going to be the next thing I tried. Can you hang on for just one second?

What do you want, Tess?

O.K. I'll ask.

Miss, have you had any calls reporting that ipod chords are evil and need to be destroyed?

Sometimes its nice to just lay there

Flipping back an forth between the American Idol results and commentary on the Moussaoui decision, I decided to give up. Pickler is gone and the 20th amateur pilot is allowed to have a boyfriend (I hope his name is Bubba) for the rest of his life.

I could bitch and moan about all that is going on...but what's the point? I've tried writing, calling and emailing each and every one of my elected officials. THEY DON'T GET IT!

But because I've given up...here are some more pictures of Tess' first entry into Mollyland.

Brown noser?

I vote yes.

And tonight she learned how to drink from the porcelain water bowl! I'm so proud. The only request...no swimming.

The day after our economy was crippled

Yesterday, each and every one of our fine employees showed up to go to work. From what I hear, they all made it a point to be the first ones at the shop. I guess our little meeting of the minds paid off. I made it a point to thank each and everyone of them for doing the right thing.

The funny thing is, we got more work done on Monday than we usually do on a typical work day. It seems that none of the other trades working on our job site had the same pow-wow. We had the place to ourselves. No plumbers, no painters, no masons, no electricians. Only one drawback on the day...the taco truck didn't show up at lunch. Sue me, I love those grease wagons. The one that's been in this area is high class too. I think they've had a heath inspection as recently as 1995. Just stay away from any taco that includes the words "con lingua." That's just gross.

Today, everyone was back on site. The gringos were all amazed at the work we got done. Even more amazed that we had a 100% turnout. I was approached several times and asked about how we were able to get everyone to show up.

Its was easy really. An honest conversation about mutual respect goes a long way. Looking back on it, I'm glad we were able to have the conversation. Our guys no longer have any doubts about where we stand on the issue...and we don't have doubts on where they stand. We are all pissed that Uncle Sam can't seem to figure out what to do.

They are mad because they don't really know who Uncle Sam is and why he takes a chunk out of their pay check every week.

We are mad because a bunch of hard working men live in limbo while others without their principles demand their "rights." Little do they know, we've scheduled the week so they get Friday (Cinco de Mayo) off. They are all invited to the office on Friday afternoon for some cold Corona and fajitas prepared by the gringos. We do it every year. They all get lit in the afternoon and then go to their own parties while the gringos stay and drink the leftovers.

No lime thank you.