Casualties of Guy's Weekend

We were all just sitting around enjoying a cold beer under a tree about 2 hours into the weekend. Someone made the comment about there being no squirrels around...Despite all the oak trees. Someone else made a comment that maybe all the dogs running around may have something to do with it. We laughed and opened another beer.

We went on to other topics when a third person noticed something coming to show us something. I think the phrase he used to alert the rest of us of the new development was "Holy shit!" We turned and there she was proud as could be, her tail wagging uncontrollably. A mad dash for our cameras ensued. I got a couple good ones before it was time to regulate.

Surely she didn't chase it down a kill it did she? Did she chase it up a tree and did it fall out? We know it didn't get hit by a car. We know it had recently expired. Was it an old critter too slow to get out of the way of the Tess Train? We will never know...

It was a great mysterious way to start a Guy's Weekend. What happens at Guy's Weekend stays at Guy's Weekend. And that's good because if I type anymore, my liver pains would start acting up again.

I'm off like a prom dress

When the whistle blew at 5:00 today, my long weekend began. I'm off to the lake to celebrate a holiday that comes around several times each year...Guy's Weekend. I've started packing the car and let me tell you, it was like playing a real life version of Tetris. 2 full size kennels, multiple coolers, a propane cooker, a change of drawers, a large boiling pot, assorted dog paraphernalia, a sleeping bag and a tooth brush. I'm dreading the Sunday morning re-pack!

What will we be doing? That's a great question. One of the guys recently acquired his very own copy of the movie "Pretty Woman" and I'm sure we'll watch that a couple of times. I've got some work I'm bringing along to fill Saturday night. That afternoon, I'll probably just lounge around in my pajamas and read some romance novels. I'm also bringing a bottle of chardonnay that we might open...that's if no one minds that there is alcohol being served. That reminds me...I need to get spritzer supplies.

Who am I kidding, these guys are all worthless degenerates. We will all share in the duties of being bad influences on one another. If I don't see a plate of good Texas barbeque and a cold beer in front of me by 1:00 tomorrow, things could get ugly! "Yes ma'am, I'd like pickles and onions. Could you put the sauce on the side? Thanks."

If you don't here from me for a while, would someone please start a "Free Adam" fund. Bail money would be greatly appreciated. In the meantime, y'all stay out of trouble and have a great weekend.

Tess has a new home away from home

Well, she's finally outgrown the puppy kennel. We've had some good times, some bad times, some fun firsts and even some awkward moments.

This weekend will be her first nights in her new digs. Molly just wants to know "when will it be time to swim?"

Soon enough, girl, soon enough.

Oh, and I think I'll leave the garage door open from now on to scare away any would-be burglars. "Beware the viscous dogs that lurk behind these walls."

Monday in the Twilight Zone

I walked into the office at about 7:45 this morning. The guys had hitched up and left about an hour earlier. I went to the coffee maker to brew a pot and it had been cleaned out and washed and fresh grounds were already in it. All I had to do was turn the thing on. While waiting for coffee, I went to the restroom. It seems someone caved in our ongoing (and unspoken) challenge about who would be the first to cave and throw away the empty roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. Its been empty for 3 weeks with a fluffy fresh roll sitting right on top of it. To top it off, someone even filled the paper towel dispenser that has been empty for about the same amount of time.

By about 8:15, the first reports from the field began rolling in. All of our guys made it to work. Nobody woke up in jail after a Sunday fiesta. Sub-contactors were on time and were prepared to do what they needed to do. The regular office folks came in cheery and happy to be back at work. The phone stayed pretty quiet and I actually got some work done.

To top the day off, it didn't get above 90 and I was able to actually sit on the porch and throw the ball for a couple hours after work.

I must be dreaming still...

That, or Tuesday is going to be a killer!

Are the Astros looking for a new short stop?

We play this little game called "throw the ball on the roof and see who can catch it when it rolls off." Tess is a big fan, Molly could take it or leave it.

Its Sunday, and I was feeling kind of blue about the prospect of hearing my alarm in the morning. Back to work, back to reality. Then I realized that its going to be a short week. I'm taking Friday off to head for a "Guy's Weekend" out at the lake. Two days off in the same month? I like July 2006...

Don't get me wrong, the alarm is still going to get its ass kicked in the morning!

So Saturday didn't go as planned....but...

Do ungrateatful dogs deserve a walk bright and early? Will I wake up in time? Will it be too hot?

If you answered yes to all three, I think you might just be right.

Four reasons why I hate dogs...

1. They sleep like Hooters waitresses.
2. They "help" you type a post.
3. They have weak handshakes.
4. They stare at you.

Yep...don't like dogs one bit.

Deadline, shmedline

Hmmm, the house on the left looks familiar...I know I've seen it somewhere, but can't quite put my finger on it. Oh yea, I saw it here a while back.

While frantically trying to meet a deadline that came a week early, I was searching google images for some homes to print out and trace, but none were from the right perspective. On to Plan B. Our file cabinet has a ton of old drawings that include homes, so I headed there to look for something to blatantly trace. Still, nothing quite worked. Light bulb moment...I remembered a drawing I did a while back that would be perfect...but the original is nowhere to be found. I check the files on our network...no luck. Just before the light bulb went out, I remembered the post I link to above. Right click, save image as, open with Photoshop, scale it to the correct size and BAM problem solved. Trace away.

I did edit it quite a bit because the home was not the subject of the drawing, but it still saved a ton of drafting time. Yea, that's right, I recycle drawings. Sue me.

Anyway, I finished the drawing this afternoon complete with some masonry work at the corner and a pimped out Cadillac cruising down the road. When I get to work in the morning I'll break out the 64 box of crayons (check that-its a 63 box...we destroy "Indian Red" immediately after purchase because that's not politically correct) and add some color. Yea, that's right, we buy the crayons that have the sharpener built right in. Jealous?

I guess my point is-please recycle, the planet is counting on you...or is it-have your pets spayed or neutered. I'm so confused...where is my beer?

A post!

Things around here have been pretty nuts the past few days. It seems work has been getting in the way of my free time. You see, I suffer from a disease called procrastination. I'm able to keep it under control most of the time, but recently I've had a flare up.

I've been working on a project at a leisurely pace...Plenty of time to get everything ready for presentation. The phone rings on Monday. Its one of our clients telling me that some of the other investors will be out of town for the next several weeks. Would it be possible to move our presentation scheduled for next Thursday to this Friday? Sure no problem, see you Friday.

Sure, no problem? Are you an idiot? I hang up, take a few deep breaths and go into full panic mode. There is no way I can be ready, but I have to be. So, I get out the contract and make a list of everything that needs to prepared and franticly begin working to cross those things off. I'm happy to report that with a reasonably productive day tomorrow, I should have everything done with time to spare. All I have left is a drawing of a typical neighborhood intersection left. When I get to work tomorrow I'll try to snap a picture of how this blog saved me about 3 or 4 hours of work.

To top off the hectic week, Molly is, um, ah, well...Let's just say the male dogs in the neighborhood have the place surrounded and they aren't leaving until I release the hostage.

That's all for now...Y'all stay out of trouble.

An interesting and perfectly annoying development

OK, I felt so much better this evening that I decided that it would be a good idea to load up the girls and take them to a semi-regular meeting of like-minded dog owners at the local dog park for a tennis ball/frisbee/duck dummy extravaganza. Although it was pretty warm outside, someone had the foresight to bring a cooler to protect our adult beverages.

After about an hour and a half of dog related bliss and the usual conversation about which is the perfect retriever breed, it was time to head home to prepare for the Monday that will soon be upon us.

Apparently Tess sustained an injury to one of her front paws. Always eager to help, Molly has been carrying her around on her back all night. Injured paw and all, and in a good faith offering, Tess was eager to show Molly that if the tables had been turned, she'd have been first in line to help to her fallen compatriot. Not exactly a Red Cross rescue move, but give Tess a break...she's trying.

Completely off topic...does anyone have the number to a good plumber? Its apparent that I need a hose bib installed close to my TV watching spot.

Should have ordered the chicken

Its Friday! Big day. Let's go out and raise some hell!

Not so fast big boy. I had a Wataburger with cheese, mustard, all the way, for lunch today. I usually enjoy this tasty treat. Not today. I feel like crap, and I have since shortly after lunch. Always the trooper, I tried to enjoy a cold adult beverage on the porch with the girls after returning home. I'm embarrassed to admit this...it didn't taste good and its still on the porch, half full (or half empty.) Maybe the can was just twice as big as it needed to be. I'm not in the mood to comment on that whole thing.

So...this fun loving gent will be spending his Friday night parked on the couch waiting for the Grim Reaper to ring the bell. I hope Molly and Tess will bark at the door and buy me some time to fully recover.

Who am I kidding? They'd let him right in and point the Reaper straight to where I keep the "good bones." They are pretty loyal, but they'd sell me out in an instant if it meant they'd get a bone. Damn dogs.

If regular posting doesn't resume in a timely fashion...would someone please notify my next of kin?
Sunday night update: Thanks y'all. I am feeling much better now. It was touch and go there for a while on Friday, but I pulled through with the help two young blonde nursemaids. I even managed to salvage a pretty good weekend. I hope y'all did the same.

The worst coon dog ever

Hey, I really could give two squirts about what is in that tree. What is that shiny thing you have in your hand?

Molly was on the ball tonight and alerted us that there was something in the back yard. I have no idea how she does it. One minute she is passed out on the floor and then, she lifts her ear just a little to make sure she heard what she thought she heard...next thing you know, all hell breaks loose at the back door.

Let this be a lesson to all would be criminals out there...Yes, one is a complete dumbass focused on only bones, ducks and annoying yours truly. The other is listening to every move you make!

PETA disclaimer: No raccoons were harmed in any way. I just wish they'd hang around a bit longer for me to get the camera!

I sure wish they'd fix this problem

This site has been screwed up all day and I sure wish someone would fix it already. A while back I was kicking around the idea of hosting this blog elsewhere. Somewhere that you have to pay to play.

Until I decide for sure...I'll be working to find the international terrorist messing up people's blogs trying to rid the world of all infidel Golden Retrievers. Does anyone know if O.J. has a helpful website with tips on ways to find criminals?

Updated: It looks like my saber rattling worked. We are back to normal again. Don't think for a moment that I have stopped looking for those who would chose to rid the world of infidel Goldens. Taking a page from O.J.'s helpful tips, I'll be hunting them down on the golf course very soon.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled broadcasting

We allways knew that Molly was the good one.

Hmmmm....

Lots of hits from the Dallas area today. I think this blog has been "outed" and distributed amongst a group of my FORMER friends in that area. Don't worry, I doubt they will cause a ruckus...they are all hopeless alcoholics and probably won't even remember visiting here in the morning.

This same group of people can forget about viewing a wonderful PowerPoint presentation complete with maps and pictures (they need pictures to understand stuff) pertaining to our idea to purchase a lake property. Yep, say goodbye to a lovely 2-story on the lake, say goodbye to 5 bedrooms filled with race car beds and lava lamps, and say goodbye to the brass fireman's pole. It could have been so much fun.

As for the guys weekend at the end of the month...yep, that's out too. I'll use that time to go find some new friends.

Take that!

For the regular readers, do you find it odd that when you use the spell checker, the word "blog" pops up as a misspelled word? One of days, I'll click on "Learn." I'll wait until the day that it becomes annoying rather than funny though.

Life is ruff

Despite losing my shirt on the golf course earlier today, I'd have to say that it wasn't a bad day. We took a nice long walk after I returned and I even let them lose to terrorize some unsuspecting ducks.

Now, I must address a rather controversial issue. Yes...Tess does have big ears. I've read some rumblings about it here and some of the shady characters I associate with have mentioned it. Lets settle this once and for all. Tess invites everyone to measure. If you don't like the results, she invites you to kiss this. Poor Molly, I'm sorry you have to be associated with such a goofy looking dog. I know you hope we have one hellacious wind storm that blows her away. While that would be fun to watch, I fear that she'd just come back.

Please note that these words were written in jest. She does have big ears...all the better to hear you with.

Now lets harass a kid who just turned 1. He has a big head...but he knows where to be when he's at a resort in Mexico!

I feel so utterly and hopelessly alone

Some days are just run of the mill days. You trodge in to work, punch the clock and go about your daily business. Some days there is some tiny sparkle that makes your worthless existence seem minutely relevant. Some days are different...today was different for me. That tiny sparkle in my day came in the form of a realization that I could possibly be walking through this world completely alone. I had to fight back the tears.

Robert Earl Keen sings a song about a total mental breakdown at a Chinese restaurant. My version of the song happened in a line at the bank this afternoon.

Allow me to elaborate. As early as two hours prior to my bank visit I was diligently filling out my deposit slip, endorsing my check and including my account number just to be safe. Mind you, I did it all in hopes of getting in and out of the bank in the grocery store and over to the beer isle so I could return home in a timely fashion to the blondes who were patiently waiting to enjoy a cold beverage on the porch with me. The best laid plans of mice and men...turn to crap!

Why am I the only one in this world who goes into a bank prepared to negotiate a simple transaction and get out and enjoy the rest of my days left on Earth? Why is everyone trying to pull off leveraged buyouts or arguing their case about why their checks bounced when they are in front of me at the bank? Why are they always complaining about having to show i.d. to cash a check? Why are they always asking to see their balance? Why do old men hopelessly flirt with the tellers? Why must I always be behind them?

I feel so alone. The next time I hear "Do you have a pen?" my head is going to explode! I wonder if there is anyone left in this world who is capable of conducting a very simple transaction in a timely fashion? When I stop shivering in the fetal position, I might just be willing to read your comments saying that you aren't like that...I might be inclined to believe you if I weren't so depressed...

Ahh, that felt good. I'm better now. Y'all have a good weekend and watch out for idiots. I can confirm that they are everywhere!

So there I was...

...Just enjoying a quiet lunch and reading the paper. Today's Houston Comical certainly lived up to its name. Needless to say there was extensive front page coverage on the death of Ken Lay. Allow me to briefly summarize:

1. His death was "tragic."
2. The editorial page paints Lay as the hero in a Greek tragedy (their words, not mine.)
   
3. Astros owner Drayton McLane says that he made Houston a better city.
4. A man of the cloth says that he was a unique philanthropist (aren't philanthropists supposed to give money away?)
5. The former mayor thinks of him as a good and decent man.
6. His trial was stressful and could have exacerbated his condition. Those mean old Feds. How dare they prosecute a weak old man?

It goes on and on. Now I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but :

Fed's announce last week their intention to seize $43 million dollars in assets...load family up for one last trip...take cardiac arrest inducing drug undetectable by toxicology tests...pending criminal case is vindicated...family keeps assets/gets nice trip to Colorado...government gives up and files no civil charges against the estate.

Yup, that about covers it. If you ask me, in one final act of greed, Ken Lay "took one for the team." But then again...what do I know? I'm just sad that I got beat to the punch about asking the question "Who knew he even had a heart?"

Red, White,Blue...

...John Deere Green and a new color I've invented called Golden Butthead.

Y'all have a fun and safe holiday. Take some time to think about the sacrifices made over the last 230 years that allow us to have this special day with family and friends.

Now, for Adam's handy dandy Fourth of July primer:

1. Keep the beer cold.
2. Keep the charcoal hot.
3. A "dud" is only a trip to the emergency room waiting to happen.
4. If hot dogs are on your menu...try wrapping them in bacon before they hit the grill. Mmmm, bacon.
5. If corn on the cob is there, don't feed it to your dogs. Please? A more seasoned backyard chef would recommend smearing the cob with mayo and then a sprinkle of Parmesan cheese.
6. Never, ever poke a Johnsonville brat. Use tongs...have you not listened to all the commercials?
   

A nap interrupted by yours truly

Things went quiet around here during the Dixie Chicks rant. Quiet is never a good thing when a puppy is involved. So, I went and checked the kitchen floor...Nope, not there. Outside under the porch? Still nothing.

I was certain I closed the bedroom door. That doesn't really work as well as it should. Molly will open unlocked doors and I guess Tess just followed her in. It helps to have a partner in crime. I was able to get this picture of them before they woke up.

Tess, now you know what Little Red Riding Hood was talking about.

The chixie dicks

Back in the mid-nineties I was in Lubbock visiting a friend and we had the pleasure of listening to a new band in this small dive. They were great! I never have been a big fan of female country singers, probably because I can't sing their songs in the shower. But these chicks could flat out play and sing. I was an instant fan. The place I first heard them was so small that after the show, they came out and visited with everyone in the bar. They came and sat at our table for a bit and we all had a great time. A few years later, I was in College Station when they came to town for a show. This time, the venue was a little bigger, but they were still able to greet fans after the show. I went over to say hi and they said they remembered that night in Lubbock. Who knows if they really remembered, but they made an effort to make this fan feel special.

Fast forward to this morning...I was on my way to get morning coffee and had the XM radio tuned to the country station when their new song came on. I fought the urge to change the channel, but I wanted to hear the whole song for myself. What a whinny, misguided piece of crap!

Ok...rewind to '03...Fine, be critical of the president. Everyone should have a right to speak their mind. I've been highly critical of the president on several very important issues, but I've never thought to bring the Great State of Texas into my arguments. But again, they were exercising the Constitutional right granted each and every American.

Fast forward back to today. Listening to that song complaining about the repercussions of their own words was sickening. Those folks who are quick to site their Constitutional rights under the First Amendment must also be equally as quick to accept the consequences of their words. These women are very talented artists, but they lack the intellectual honesty to accept that their own words and actions are the reason that their fans have turned on them. I'm not ready to make nice either. I miss that smoky bar in Lubbock so many years ago.

Q: What do you get when you play a REAL country song backwards?
A: You get your wife back, you get your job back, you get your dog back, and you sober up.